emmy blotnick

Hallucinated headlines

Fellow bored shut-ins in Hurricane Irene’s path, this is how you play the game: Drink a couple glasses of red wine, turn a magazine upside down, walk to the other side of the room and try to make out what the headlines say. Generously fill in the blanks with your winemind. Here’s what I got so far from an issue of Allure:

- How To Make A Lasagna By Frowning During Sex

- Yao Ming Answers Your Makeup Questions

- Lessons For Potato Hair: Simple Tricks To Escape Yourself

- Salami Care Bear Makeovers

- Celebrity Experts: Are They Real Or Made Of Hay?