emmy blotnick

My friend got a job

The following is his reaction to the news. All are gchat messages I received from him consecutively.

• “WHAT THE FUCK
• TIME 2 SWIG SUM SWAGU
• I’M GONNA LIE DOWN ON THE GROUND AND DIE
• MY NOSE IS BLEEDING
• I just fell down
• DAMN WHAT THE FUCK
• WHAT WHAAAAT
• I’M GONNA PISS ON MYSELF TO CELEBRATE
• DAMN I’M GONNA PUMP SOME FUCKING IRON
• FEW TIMES BEEN AROUND THAT TRACK
• Motherfucking fuck yeah
• DAMN I NEED TO TAKE A POOP ON SOMETHING
• FUCK
• ALL OF MY FEELINGS ARE IN CAPS LOCK
• I’m literally blasting “How Do I Live” and singing along
• Shit, in my overzealousness I accidentally sent the boss a picture of my penis
• Like seven of them
• I LITERALLY JUST BURIED MY FACE IN A PILLOW AND SCREAMED “FUCK YEAH” LIKE 10 TIMES
• THEN AIR BOXED
• Fuck
• Shit shit shit
• SHIT
• DAMN!”

Over 30 hours later, he added, “I JUST PUNCHED A HOLE THROUGH MY COMFORTER.”

I hope we all get to experience this feeling at some point in our lives.