emmy blotnick

Costume Improvements

It’s hard to choose what to be for Halloween because it feels like everything has been done, but I think we should take the pressure off ourselves to invent something completely new. Old standbys like cats and ghosts can be totally great if you just add one thing to differentiate yourself. For instance, you could…

• Add a mustache. Start with the prettiest, most innocent costume you can find, stick on a creepy mustache and boom, transformation complete.
  Examples: Pedo Unicorn, Pedo Princess, Pedo My Little Pony
• Add a shart. A good addition to animal costumes. Put on the ears, paint on the whiskers and simply shart your pants.
  Examples: Sharting Cat, Sharting Rabbit 
• Add a boner. This works best with spooky, otherworldly costumes. You can stuff your pants or attach a cardboard dick under your poncho/cape, whatever works best.
  Examples: Hobbit with a Boner, Ghost with a Boner (pulled off excellently this year by Jeremy)
• Add a diaper. Again, good on any costume that’s supposed to be scary. Be sure to explain that you’re not a baby scary thing, you’re an incontinent scary thing. It’s similar to adding a shart, but communicates to the world that you’ve got it somewhat under control, unlike that no good Sharting Cat.
  Examples: Incontinent Werewolf, Incontinent Evil Jester 
• Add portobello mushroom nipples. How good would it be to dress as a serious, successful businessman but also have big mushrooms for nips over your suit that you just never acknowledge? Sample party conversation:
  Stranger: Nice suit! What’s with the mushroom nipples?
  You: I just gave a great presentation! Has any mail come for me?