December 2011
11 posts
Texts with my sister-in-law
Karen: Plans for Christmas? Me: I’m going to see as many movies as I can in a row without getting kicked out Karen: Lucky. Movies are the first thing to go when you have kids. Me: Sigh. Well, I’ll send you some homemade video cliffs notes of Mission Impossible 4 Karen: Don’t bother. If Tom Cruise is in it, we know how it ends. With Suri on top! Me: Gross! Karen: Ewwww....
This entire week
I’ve been at home, writing in my living room (that sounds poetic, right? Wait for it, it’s not) and early on I realized that nobody at eye level with my apartment has curtains. None of us. We can all see each other throughout the day and it brings up a handful of weird questions: Should you fight the natural human instinct to wave? Do you still dance around if the mood strikes? Do you...
Madonna, “Sorry”
Anyone who thinks...
My friend got a job
The following is his reaction to the news. All are gchat messages I received from him consecutively.
“WHAT THE FUCK
TIME 2 SWIG SUM SWAGU
I’M GONNA LIE DOWN ON THE GROUND AND DIE
MY NOSE IS BLEEDING
I just fell down
DAMN WHAT THE FUCK
WHAT WHAAAAT
I’M GONNA PISS ON MYSELF TO CELEBRATE
DAMN I’M GONNA PUMP SOME FUCKING IRON
FEW TIMES BEEN AROUND THAT TRACK
...
Psh, this Harry & David ass bitch
Harry & David customer service: Who is this gift from?
Me: Emmy Blotnick.
H&D: And who is this gift to?
Me: Emmy Blotnick.
(...)
Me: WHAT, like I'm the only person to ever order a year-long subscription to Fruit of the Month Club for herself?
Jeremy Gordon: 'Some Of My Favorite Songs Of 2011,... →
airgordon:
Destroyer - Kaputt (“Oh cool, dance music for boring people.”)
JoJo - Marvin’s Room (“I suspect there is something wrong with literally everyone who enjoys this song.”)
Coldplay - Hurts Like Heaven (“I honestly thought this was the Nyan Cat music when it started playing.”)
Dum Dum…
I take responsibility for Negative Comment #3.
