January 2011
12 posts
Notes on taking the Ke$ha Spirit Animal quiz
…which you can take here.
I appreciate the thoroughness of putting a dollar sign in the word “is.”
No matter my answers, I expect Ke$ha to say my spirit animal is “UGH I WANT HA$H BROWN$!!!!”
One question begins, “My love life is…” (which is not a question but whatever) and there is no option to complete the sentence with something like...
"Trainstanked"
A term I coined for when you run for the subway and get through the doors right as they’re closing, and just when you start celebrating — “YES! I MADE IT! I DID IT!” — you sniff, sniff, poop, and realize you’re shut in the train car alone with the crazy guy who crapped his pants.
Example: “I got totally trainstanked on my way home from the karaoke...
The worst foods that have fallen into my scarf...
…because talking about it might ease the shame?
Grated parmesan cheese (gets all up in the fibers)
Tuna salad (smells)
Goldfish crackers (not as messy as the others but bad because I think it makes people assume I have children)
A Cool New App
— I just got a new app that tells you when you’re going to get laid! — Whoa. — Yeah, you should download it. — I just did! How do you use it? — Just click “Estimated Time Until You Have Sex Again.” (Both phones load) — Mine says…negative 24 years? — Mine just redirected to Gizmodo :(
The Tights Problem
I do not care what happens to my tights. Normally I buy them at Rite Aid for about $5 with the knowledge they’re going to end up abused into shreddy ragpiles after a few weeks’ wearing. I’ve never even bothered to find out how one is supposed to launder tights because I’m perfectly at peace throwing them away. They have such short lifespans, it would almost make...
