I just bought a couple of succulent plants but don’t have any pots handy, so I’m googling around for planter alternatives. Some of the things that come up are pretty neat: hollow action figures, old cinderblocks, empty seashells.
But then, this. Stuffing unwanted pants with soil. Ugh. I have only sympathy for the tree that has to spend its life being humped by jeans this embarrassing. By comparison I feel like the tree in True Detective with the dead prostitute tied to it got off easy.
I still haven’t decided what to do with these plants, but I’m taking a moment now to reassure them: I would never do that to you, my sweet leafy companions. I would never.
THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK I’M READING QUOTES “THE WHISPER SONG”!
I hope in the endnotes they’re referred to as “Yang Twins, The Ying.”
FUNNY LADY FILM CLUB - WORKING GIRL
For our very first episode (!!!), we watched ’80s classic WORKING GIRL with the wonderful Emmy Blotnick & Abra Tabak. Watch us hit on important topics like tall butts, skeezebags, and Olympia Dukakis.
And don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE for new videos every week!
I tried a very painful workout called Barry’s Bootcamp for SELF Magazine. Please enjoy watching a beautiful ripped man destroy me.
On Valentine’s Day, my pal Jeremy said he walked through a flock of pigeons while listening to the glorious Charlie Wilson part of Kanye West’s “Bound 2.” It sounded pretty magical. Anyway, here’s “Bound 2” for pigeons.
About a week ago I impulsively bought a super cheap flight to Turks and Caicos and went by myself for a couple of days. It was awesome.
I overheard a lot of complaining, though. I think it’s because brochures only show the very best stuff. People expect everything to be perfect.
So here’s a solution: For every good brochure, there should be a brochure that shows some of the unpleasant realities of warm weather beachy vacations so people know what they’re getting into. Those realities include:
When I was about 10 years old I went to see Blue Man Group. In the middle of the show, one of the Blue Men came dancing down the aisle, deepthroated a white chocolate Toblerone, chewed it up and regurgitated it into my friend’s dad’s hand in the shape of a dick.
And I just realized now, over a decade later: I bet no one told him to do that.
I bet after the show someone had to sit him down and be like, “What the hell were you doing out there?”
"What, it’s a trick I do!"
"We don’t throw up dicks here. People bring their children to this. It’s not a part of our show."
"But it COULD be!"
"No, dude. Wrong kind of blue. Go home."
Mostly I just can’t believe I’ve spent all these years assuming they did that in every show. The subject of Blue Man Group came up in conversation recently and I said, “Ohh, did they do the white chocolate dick-in-the-hand trick for you guys?” and across the board my friends were like “WHAT???”
I wonder where that guy is now.